


When You Love Someone

by leemarkhyuk



Series: Love Hurts [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Heartbreak, M/M, Possibly Unrequited Love, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:42:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26694709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leemarkhyuk/pseuds/leemarkhyuk
Summary: the worst feeling is loving someone with your all but it just doesn’t seem like they love you back. it feels horrible. could you imagine, loving someone so much, thinking about them all day and night, but they don’t seem to love you as much? maybe they lost feelings, maybe the thrill of being with you is gone for them and they’re slowly losing interest. maybe they’re still with you to not hurt you, but they’re hurting you. they’re hurting you more than they know. being in love with someone so much to there point that they consume your every thought is a lot. being in love with someone who consumes your every thought but they don’t talk to you most days yet they talk to everyone else is hard. them jumping at the chance to talk to another but taking hours to respond to you; it’s so painful. and deep down you believe that they love you, but you know they don’t. what happened to us? we used to be like one and now…we’re like this.you’re there and i’m here. i’m heartbroken.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Yang Jeongin | I.N
Series: Love Hurts [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2027852
Comments: 7
Kudos: 25





	When You Love Someone

**Author's Note:**

> hi. so uhm i know a lot of people don’t like when you write idols with mental illnesses/suicide but this one is more personal to me... well obviously i didn’t commit and we’re states apart but uhm... there are thoughts... i’m sorry.

Don’t be mistaken, Jisung loves Jeongin more than anything, but sometimes it doesn’t seem like Jeongin loves him. They go on lovely dates and spend amazing nights together...but it seems like the only time that happens is when Jisung plans it.

Jeongin used to take Jisung out all the time in the beginning. Movies, amusement parks, late night strolls, you name it, Jeongin planned it. But recently he hasn’t planned a thing. As a matter of fact he hardly spoke to his boyfriend anymore. 

They don’t live together. They live in separate neighborhoods, not exactly long distance but lately Jisung feels as though they live on separate continents, as if their two worlds that were so perfectly matched, they’re split in half. 

It’s strange, really. He misses the familiar warmth that he’d grown used to. They’d spend days at each other’s homes together, but they haven’t done that in two weeks. Jisung doesn’t want to question him, make him feel like he’s doing something wrong. He wants Jeongin to be happy. In the process of doing so, he’s becoming unhappier by the second.

He knows Jeongin is busy or too tired to answer his messages, but it’s tearing him apart. He hates that he could send his boyfriend a good morning text at 9am and not have it answered until 2pm but the other is able to post in social media between the times. He even waits until he know for sure that his boyfriend is awake before he texts him and there’s still hours before he gets a response but plenty of social media activity.

He’s grown accustomed to being ignored for hours, days at a time. He knows that the relationship is unhealthy, but he’s too blinded by love to act on the fact. 

Jisung’s best friends, Chan and Changbin, get to hear all about it. They know how Jeongin ignores Jisung’s messages. For a while, they thought Jisung was overthinking it, but after the three of them being in a room and all texting the boyfriend at the same time and only Jisung not getting an immediate response, they understood. They felt for their friend, it was unfair to be ignored like that. Jisung is a good kid, he doesn’t deserve to be treated how he is.

Unfortunate, really. Jisung had never met Jeongin’s friends. He knew of them; Seungmin, Yongbok, and Hyunjin, but they’d never met or spoken online. He wonders if they knew why his boyfriend was ignoring him.

Jisung isn’t perfect, he knows this. He wonders if he did something that pushed his boyfriend away. All he knows is that he’s tired, so tired of the feeling of being unloved. Has he been showing signs? Have Chan and Changbin noticed what he’s been doing? Surely they haven’t, they would have said something.

_Hi, Innie. I’m writing to you because I’m very sorry. For what? I wish I knew. But certainly you know whatever I’ve done that split you away from me, that ruined us. I love you very much, you are my everything. My reason to smile, my reason to get out of bed, my reason to be happy, my reason to live.  
_

_It just doesn’t seem that I’m important to you anymore. Maybe Channie and Binnie are right and I’m just overthinking, but when was the last time we’ve held a full conversation? The last time that you wanted to talk to me?_

_I’m tired now, love. It’s time for me to go to sleep. Remember me when I’m gone, don’t forget about me, yeah? I love you._

_—Han Jisung_

Jisung licked the envelope and sealed it, driving to his boyfriend’s house and dropping it in the mailbox. He sees unfamiliar cars outside the house and when he looks at the house for the last time, he sees who he recognizes from pictures as Hyunjin looking at him. He seems to be in shock, Jisung decides he shouldn’t be here, but since he’s never met Hyunjin he smiles and bows before getting back in his car and going home. 

He texts his friends that he loves them and thanks them for everything. He knows that he shouldn’t, Chan has experience receiving such messages, but he wants his last words to be lovely.

Sitting in his bathtub, naked, he takes the blade and makes a long deep vertical slice on his right thigh, then left. It hurts, but he pushes on. He runs the water, warm of course, and lets the tub fill just enough so that he can go under without spilling any. He then does what he did to his thighs on his wrists, and it hurts like nothing he’s ever felt but he doesn’t acknowledge it. 

He waits with his bleeding parts under the now red water, waits until he can hardly see, then he takes a breath and goes under. He hears his best friend calling his name, he got here faster than he expected but he knows he’s locked out. He comes to terms with what he needs to do then takes a deep breath, filling his lungs with water. His body is so tired that he barely puts up a fight. He allows himself to succumb to the darkness. He’ll miss it, being alive, but he knows what’s best.

He’s happy now.


End file.
